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Okay. The video quality is crap. Also, it's just completely unedited. We don't hear your voice at all. I don't know if you saw, but it was zoomed in on the bottom right corner most of the video. Overall: 2/10. Try again, buddy.

 

EDIT: Another thing I forgot to mention. Your intro is way too flashy. It's shaking all over the place and it's near impossible to get a good glimpse of the name. It almost gave me nausea. Overall: Still 2/10.

Edited by kirby
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I have to agree with kirby here. 

The intro is unbearable, and the rest of the video has no entertainment value at all, it's just bland, unedited, boring gameplay.

You can make your voice sound better if you post-process it with Audacity. You're able to remove noise and make you sound a lot better. I used it when I was making tutorial videos and it made my built-in mic sound decent.

Also it looked like you missed a part of the screen to the left.

 

For the next time, try creating a script, planning things out and caring about your video.

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