PHiSH

You use to run for president. If life gives you life...

Granted. You now have a magical wish granting unicorn that is deaf, meaning it can't hear any wishes you make. I wish I was productive.

Banned for not getting enough sleep.

Don't play them. They aren't worth your time. If life gives you death...

Hail Cthulhu

Banned for having less posts than me.

Not here

Banned for being a donator.

You switch to a better internet provider. If life gives you combustible lemons...

Need sleep

Waste your precious money unboxing them. If life gives you balloons...

Granted. Bananas are now red and so is everything else in the world, making it impossible to distinguish anything from anything else. I wish people who would respond to my trade offers instantly.

You throw them at bad performers. If life gives you a flying spaghetti monster...

Banned because I said so.

Banned for using the mobile website.

Actually be productive for once and get some sleep.

*sends help*

Teleport it for 3 days. If life gives you a chainsaw...

Banned for having 123 posts.

Make raffles

Because reasons

Try to bring it back to life Dr. Frankenstein style. If life gives you a refrigerator...

Granted, but you immediately rediscover it. I wish for it to be summer already.

Another post

Banned for not being a newbie.