PHiSH

Granted, but the government has taken interest in your new powers and kidnaps you for research. I wish I could travel to another dimension.

Banned for being a Newbie

Granted. Now you nail down things. I wish for bonus ducks.

Granted, but you lose your memory as soon as you do it and your progress is erased. I wish for no zombies on the lawn.

Banned for having an indecent number of posts.

Banned for listening to music.

Granted. Side effects may include nausea, headaches and death. I wish to have perfect vision.

Wish granted, but it turns out it was a bootleg version of the perfect headphones. I wish for my package to arrive in the mail.

Banned for blinking.

Sticky spammers

Wish granted. However, I let Demoman make them so they explode as soon as you bite into one. I wish for the Kraken to be released.

Banned for not having more posts.

Wish granted, but now you're stuck with your current avatar forever. FOREVER! I wish for a good TF2 update.

This again

Banned for being eye racist.

Wish granted, but instead of the drink it's the Gatorade gummies. I wish to stop procrastinating.

Not here

Banned for not having a hat.

Wish granted, but now all foundations of arithmetic have been undermined and defy any logic. This causes every mathematician to kill themselves. I wish to not make a wish.

Gold star

Hello again

Granted. You are now the smartest person in the field of sandwich engineering. Also, did you say the stupidity would be contagious? Because I wish for a million dolla-asINIFDSKHSLmcdsknmfJHEFBAudis

One day

Just because they won nothing, many said they would quit TF2 because of it.

Banned for being a bird.